The breastfeeding battle begins before Grant was born. It can be summarized in one sentence,
"I was to proud to even try breastfeeding."
I never would have admitted it back then, but I can admit it now. I nursed Grant a handful of times just to "release" but it really wasn't more than 5-10 total.
In the next 5 years a lot happened and I am not exactly sure how I changed my mind, but I decided to give breastfeeding a try. Before Celeste was born my goal was a month. I thought if I made it past a month and liked it I would keep going. If I still hated it I would quit.
Celeste was born and I started nursing. I almost instantly loved it! I felt so dumb saying it too. I hate riding the Humble Train. I had made a big deal with Grant about not breastfeeding and so I was embarrassed to even admit to my mom or sister I was even going to try. Now I liked it! Yikes!
The lactation consultants came into my room and I wasn't embarrassed (I thought I would be) to nurse in front of them. One of them was not so helpful and one was. She gave me a few tips, but nothing major. I totally thought I was a natural!
I thought everything was going well until we went to Celeste's 5 day doctor appointment. Celeste had lost more weight since we had left the hospital 2 days ago. (She weighed 7 lbs. 13 oz. at birth; 7 lbs. 2 oz. when we left the hospital; and now she weighed 7 lbs.) The doctor wanted to see us again in 2 days for another weight check. When we went back Celeste had gained a little, but not very much. So we scheduled another weight check in a week.
At the 2 week old check up Celeste weighed 7 lbs. 5 oz. and now we started worrying. She should have come up to birth weight by now. She is not even close! The doctor wants me to go to the lactation consultant for additional help. (Here comes that dang Humble Train again!) I was tempted not to even go because I really didn't think they could do much for me. Kyle talked me into going and I decided to swallow my pride and go for the sake of my daughter.
I met with Manda, an amazing lactation consultant, because I liked her best at the hospital. She remembered me and was happy to help. After watching Celeste breastfeed and looking in her mouth Manda decided to send us to physical therapy!
What?!? I am a speech therapist and I work with swallowing/eating. What on earth is a physical therapist going to do to help me? Curse that Humble Train!
I call the PT and make an appointment. Pat looks at Celeste's mouth and tongue then tells me all the reasons why Celeste isn't eating. She gives me some "exercises and stretches" to do to improve her oral motor movement. I feel a little guilty for not knowing what was wrong and what to do. I have worked with kids, never new borns, but still! I am grateful for someone who can help Celeste. Because I am a therapist I know how important these suggestions are and I start doing them immediately.
After 10 days of doing these therapy exercises, meeting with lactation a few more times, meeting with the physical therapist again, lots of Lanolin, lots of pumping, and worrying we go in for another weight check. Celeste weighs 7 lbs and 10.8 oz. We haven't made it back to birth weight, but we have made steady gains.
Manda tells me we are going in the right direction and feels like we are out of the woods so to speak. Pat is amazed at how much progress Celeste has made. She no longer thinks Celeste needs therapy. I am feeling really confident about how things are going. I am enjoying nursing again because let's be honest when your worried about your baby gaining weight nursing isn't fun. I am feeling like a normal person again. Celeste is sleeping more and more each night!
Celeste is now 6 weeks old and my motherly instinct kicks in. I have a feeling Celeste isn't gaining weight. We are still in newborn diapers and newborn clothes. She isn't really all that fussy and she sleeps through the night, but I still felt like something was not going right. I take her in for a weight check and sure enough we are at 7 lbs 12 oz. I could have cried right there. In two weeks we gained one ounce.
The doctor (not Celeste's regular doctor) tells me I have to start formula immediately. The doctor tells me Celeste is in the 2nd percentile for weight and she is now considered "failure to thrive." I nearly wanted to cry. I wanted to cry for my lethargic baby who is sleeping so much because she doesn't have enough energy to stay awake. I wanted to cry for all the effort I had made. I wanted to cry for the number of trips on that darn Humble Train. I wanted to cry because I feel like I have no choice. I go home disappointed and frustrated with 5 cans of formula samples.
For 2 days I nurse Celeste as much as I can, but she really starts taking to the bottle quickly. I don't want to starve my baby, but I still can't let this breastfeeding thing go. I am so bugged! I talk to my mom and sister. I shed many tears. Then I get to thinking about things. I decide to go back to what we were doing before. Celeste was gaining weight when I was pumping. It was slow, but still gaining. I make a decision that I as much as I hate pumping I will pump! I also decide to pump and whatever I do pump I will feed to Celeste. I won't have any storage, but I hopefully will have a happy baby. I am confident this will work.
I do this for 6 days. I call to schedule a weight check with her regular doctor. I am a little nervous, but I feel like what we are doing is working. I nearly jumped up and down for joy when the scale reads 8 lbs. 1 oz! We have gained 5 ounces in 6 days!
We are on the right track, but I have to keep pumping and feeding her the hind milk for the next two weeks. We have a lot of weight to gain!
I am not loving this right now because I can't go anywhere. I am loving a happy healthy baby. I hope the weight gain continues and I hope I don't have to ride the Humble Train again for a while.
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